Changing Words To Bullshit Words Do Not Change Their Meaning
Was just reading an article about the Toronto Maple Leafs that contained this quote:
"The bulk of going to the net — which now is called having a net-front presence – will lie on the shoulders of 6-foot-3, 200-pound winger Luca Caputi."
Now here's a quote from me to anyone who actually talks like that:
"Blow me."
I'm sorry, make that:
"Kindly make with some dick-front presence."
For the benefit of the sensitive ladies in charge of such decisions, here are some suggestions for additional changes:
- Icing the puck could be called a "whoopsie doo!"
- A 5-minute fighting major penalty could be called "a 300 second post-quibble sit-down"
- A penalty-kill could be called a "self-inflicted disadvantage" (or, alternatively: "trouble-time")
- The referees could be called the "Procedural and Regulatory Officers"
- Commentator Pierre McGuire could be called "Grating Chrome-headed Prick"
I swear to god, if I start hearing the TV people saying "net-front presence".....well, I am going to start watching football.
